This was something I told my amazing husband recently, with absolute sincerity. The older I get, the more I look forward to my Sunday naps after church. I can’t believe that I’ve magically become an “old person”, but I absolutely delight in those two hours of quiet time.
There are times when memories of my previous trauma hit me in the face. Hard. I remember just after Dylan was born, I was sitting in his nursery, quietly rocking him to sleep. I sat and just stared at his little face. In that moment, I was completely overcome and overwhelmed with pure gratefulness. I sat there and cried hard; big tears of gratitude. Just three years before at age 34, I had been told that I had no viable eggs and would probably never be able to have children. At that time, I was also living in the definition of misery, struggling to get myself out of an emotionally and physically abusive marriage.
Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. - James 1:17
Yet, here I was. Moments like that are beautiful - meant especially for me to soak in God’s goodness and His promises.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10
The Enemy had worked overtime in my life. He came at me hard and had killed my dreams of a happy marriage, had stolen my peace and destroyed my chance to have a family. Ay that time, I carried the heavy shame of being married three times, and never believed that I would ever find happiness in marriage.
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
- Psalm 34:8
There are the big moments of gratefulness, then when you least expect it, there are the little moments that can also remind you of how different your life can look and how good God is.
As I was waking up from a recent Sunday slumber, I laid there a minute to take it all in before I got up to get busy again. My previous life crashed over me as I remembered days when I longed to take a nap. I remembered being so incredibly tired, like the kind of tired that brings you to tears, when you want nothing more than to rest your head and just cry yourself to sleep. Yeah, I had been there all too often.
In my previous life, sleeping was not determined by me or my body’s need for rest. It was determined by my then husband. He controlled when I ate, woke up, and when I slept. It was nothing for him to come in at one or two o’clock in the morning to wake me up to drive him to the store for more beer or whatever else he decided he needed at that moment. There was no sleeping during the day. No way. I would be called every name in the book, told how lazy I was, and would have to endure whatever else followed in order to get me up. And he didn’t care what it took.
That is no way to live a life. Sister, if you are reading this and you can relate to this in the slightest, I pray that you get out. I pray that God will give you the courage to leave and He will cover you with safety and protection. Believe me when I say that it is possible. God created you for so much more than that. There is a life outside of the control of another human being.
“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls…”
- Jeremiah 6:16
When you stand at the crossroads and choose a different path, and finally find physical and emotional safety, I can help you process through the things that happened. I can help you find what your real life should look like, the one that God planned for you. And it’s a whole other, beautiful world. God is using my hurt to help others who have had a similar experience.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
You are strong. You are beautiful. And through the peace that only Jesus can provide, you will have the best rest you could ever imagine.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” - Matthew 11:28
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